OPTIMUMS IN EXPRESSION
Many people have trouble expressing their feelings. It may be because they do not feel entitled to do so or they don't really know how they feel. Most often they just don't know this simple formula:
· I feel.
· When you.
All three elements must be included. It is important that you finish the "I feel" with how you feel but without being aggressive. For example "I feel you are a jerk" is aggressive not assertive. When you are effectively assertive you are explaining how you feel when certain things happen and why. Instead of “I feel you are a jerk,” how about, “I feel like you don’t think much of me when you know you will be late for dinner and don’t take the time to call because I don’t know what is keeping you and I worry.” The most common times when people have trouble being angry rather than assertive are:
· Stating a difference of opinion
· Receiving and expressing negative feelings
· Dealing with someone who refuses to cooperate
· Speaking up about something that annoys you
· Protesting a rip-off
· Saying "No"
· Responding to undeserved criticism
· Asking for cooperation
· Proposing an idea